To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
