she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
