Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
last night I used snow as a chaser
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
