just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
