I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
