ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
