My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize