we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
