It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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