You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
