Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
