i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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