Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize