My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
