I'm drive I can fine osifer
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
