i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
