Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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