i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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