Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
