Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
