it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
