so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
