At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
