There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
