You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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