I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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