I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
