I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize