Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
