I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
