Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
