Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
