Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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