you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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