you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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