Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
