my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
