Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
