I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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