Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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