I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My vagina is officially offended.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
