I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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