Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
