So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
