it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
