i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
