Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
