I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
