i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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