Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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