i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
