my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
