Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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