She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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