It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
