I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
how can u be prego again
i just wanna soil my oats bro
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
