people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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