she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
