You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The air taste purple.
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