I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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