Swine flu. Run for my life!
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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