i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
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