I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
