my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
