so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Found your dick twin last night
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
