Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
