You're completely useless in the revolution.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
