it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
