Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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