So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
