you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
