you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
