So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
